10 Reasons Why You Haven’t Found Love

While there is nothing wrong with being single, and you should 100% radically accept who you are and where you are at in your life, prior to entering a romantic relationship, there still is a lot to said for the extensive benefits of finding that ‘right’ connection with someone special.

Research indicates that love busts stress, reduces anxiety and promotes longevity. Caring for a significant other enhances happiness levels. And it FEELS DELICIOUSLY GOOD!!

Love is a basic and fundamental need, and if we are being honest with ourselves, we all have an intense desire to be nurtured and loved. Finding love is a thrilling experience, however, the journey getting there can seem like an uphill, painfully frustrating mission for many. Dating can be hard and tricky to navigate.

Do you feel like you have tried everything, but nothing is working? Are you ready for love, but you keep attracting the same unavailable or incompatible partners? Do you feel like the ‘right’ ones just aren’t showing up on your menu?  Or maybe, it feels like there are no good men left! Have you decided you forfeit the whole idea and maybe you were just destined to be single? Yet, you intellectually know that giving up is settling…Well, here’s the sign I’d post in that puddle of frustration: Finding love is so possible!!!

Here are 10 reasons that are preventing you from the love life you desire:

1.      Too much fear: You are probably thinking, “That’s silly, I am not scared of love”. But what lies within our subconscious? In life, we experience events such as our parents’ divorce, we go through a breakup, we get cheated on, lied to, rejected, etc. – these are all events that hurt our self-perceived worth. As a subconscious protective measure, we form stories about what happened in our lives, and these stories often interpret reality in a way that softens the blow to our self-worth. These stories, or interpretations of past events, lead us to adopt beliefs that may help us stay safe from emotional pain, and what we’d need to do to fulfill our emotional needs, like your need for connection or intimacy. These beliefs you’ve adopted subconsciously through the stories you gave to your past becomes problematic: we call these limiting beliefs.  These beliefs and strategies are a product of our past. It’s a compassionate mechanism designed to protect us from potential emotional pain, this is a very normal psychological response. It is important to go from living in an unconscious way to a way that is truly aware and awakened by illuminating these subconscious stories, and allowing ourselves to have the relationships we desire. Simply put, we must look at our deeply hidden fears and begin to heal them!

2.      Too picky: There is a major difference in having high standards and unrealistic ones. Many women get stuck dating because they have pigeon holed themselves with such a small laser beam of opportunity. Having an open mind is essential to dating success. Be clear on the essence of the man you wish to call in, and release the checklist of the mundane and superficial qualities. Integrity, reliability, drive, habits and goals trumps height and hair color.

3.      You are not the best version of yourself: I want you to take a moment and really think about this…Would you date yourself? Are you intelligent? Can you carry a great conversation? Can you make friends easily and actually keep them? Do you have good fashion? Do people like you when they meet you? Are you a good listener? Are you healthy? Are you passionate? Do you have a positive outlook on life? Are you well-rounded? Are you interesting? Are you thoughtful? Do you have great character? Are you confident? Whether you are male or female, these are all traits we commonly look for in our potential partners. Do you possess them? Get out into the world, and start enjoying your life. Many of us fall victim to becoming beings of routine. We come home from work, plunk ourselves down on the couch and turn on the TV. he more activities you participate in, the better you will get to know yourself and the more interesting and confident you will become. You will understand clearly the type of person you wish to become. When you experience life, you have so much more to contribute to conversations, making others gravitate towards you because they are intrigued. It all starts and ends with YOU!!

4.      Your Dating Vision is Blurry: What is vision? Vision is having a picture of who you want to be and how you want to feel in your future. You don’t need to know all of the specifics, just the essence of how you want to feel and show up. Your purpose is to learn and grow. It is essential to get different relationship results. Vision is so important to connect to so that you continue to feel that inspiration and that pull motivation. How do you want to feel in a relationship? How do you want your partner to feel in a relationship? What are your likes? What are your dislikes? Be sure to pay attention to the little things in dating. What do the men lead with? What do they value?

5.      Your menu needs an upgrade: Often who shows up on our dating menu is who we are familiar with.  For example, if you grew up in a toxic household, you will likely attract toxic relationships. If you have a history attracting and choosing emotionally unavailable men, you will continue to meet these types of men, in fact…until you do the work to break the patterns and consciously choose a different ‘type’. It’s very common while dating, especially if coming from a past of toxic relationships that harmony may feel uncomfortable or dull, as it is unfamiliar. It is new frontier. Often sabotage will occur because of this. It takes time to form new neural nets and to release old patterns so that new experiences in alignment with your desire can be accepted.

6.      You have a broken picker: For those unfamiliar with the term, someone with a broken picker repeatedly chooses inappropriate partners to date (or marry). Due to blind spots and undiscovered limiting beliefs, these women have fallen into a habit of attempting to connect with men who can never offer them what they want, which is an authentic, healthy, long-term partnership. Until the inner work is done, these women will remain stuck in this pattern of unfulfilling and emotionally painful patterns. In learning to choose and commit to partners consciously, notice where they put emphasis: is it on being funny, their astrological sign, their family, their hopes and dreams, or is it on complaining? Where do his priorities lie? What does he spend most his time doing?

7.      You are being inauthentic: Don’t hide behind a mask or pretend you are something you are not in hopes of gaining approval or acceptance- this is compromising yourself and doing so only prolongs the inevitable. You cannot sustain a mask, nor will you be fulfilled doing so. Think about what you love before you head out on a date. What topics of conversation interest you? What are you passionate about? What do you want him to know about you?

8.      Not being proactive: The concept that love happens when you stop looking for it is truly saying that love happens when you are coming from a place of wholeness and not exuding a desperate or needy energy. You still have to position yourself effectively on the dating scene!! In order to find love, you do need to meet new men.  Get out into the world! Open yourself up to new conversations and exciting experiences.

9.  Too Needy:  Neediness in dating will kill attraction. It is a form of seeking approval and attention. Gaining some validation from external sources isn’t bad, but be cautious of not requiring it or allowing the lack of to derail your own sense of value. Having self-confidence means you trust in yourself and your own worth. When you are needy your behaviors and actions will revolve around pleasing others rather than satisfying yourself. 

10.  Too Bitter– Mindset and attitude is everything in dating. ‘Happy’ is attractive. Smiling indicates you are a positive upbeat person, and men will feel that you are approachable and accessible. Remember that life is a wonderful, beautiful thing, and love is just one piece of it. Avoid the temptation to put a whole lot of pressure on yourself! Enjoy the process, have fun, let yourself be silly, and embrace mistakes! Because mistakes are the best way to learn.