Attraction is a very personal thing. What one person might find off-putting, another might find extremely charming. However, there are some qualities and behaviors that women across the board consider unattractive. According to experts, the number one turn-off for women is a lack of initiative. If a woman’s partner never takes the reins or displays personal ambition, it’ll be hard for them to overcome that.
“My female clients often tell me that their number one turn-off is a man who fails to take the lead,” says Amber Artis, certified matchmaker and CEO of Select Date Society. Confidence and decisiveness are very attractive qualities to many women, so when a man “fails to take the lead, initiate contact, or make simple decisions, women will lose interest,” says Artis.
Women tend to feel like if their partner doesn’t show initiative in one facet of their life, that will likely be the case in other aspects, too. “This can range from taking the initiative to go on a date and choosing a venue, suggesting shared activities to a lack of initiative and ambition to pursue career goals,” says Nikolina Jeric, founder of 2date4love.com. A lack of initiative within the context of dating is often read simply as apathy or carelessness, but it can also be a sign that your prospective partner moves through life in a similar fashion, which is a big red flag.
Most women are looking for a partner to be their equal, so if they find that their significant other is more passive, that could severely affect the dynamic of the relationship. “As a woman and a dating expert, the one thing in men that immediately puts me off is passivity,” says Amy Olson of. “A relationship can only thrive when both partners are equally invested and are willing to give as much as they are receiving.”
So, a lack of energy and initiative will result in one partner carrying most, if not all, of the weight in the relationship.
According to matchmaker Channa Bromley, a lack of initiative could also be a symptom of insecurity, which is another huge turn-off for women. “What turns women on the most is someone with internal value, internal strength, and being challenged,” says Bromley. “What turns a woman off is the opposite.”